All police have is a vague description and a DNA profile entered into a national database, waiting for the man's next misstep. But Meghan, now 26, is left with an upended life, shattered confidence, post-traumatic stress disorder and the sound of her own scream reverberating in her memory. Still, she is determined to reclaim her life. She wants people to see her face, to hear her name.
The Observer doesn't normally name victims of sexual assaults and is withholding her last name for her safety. Meghan thinks about how many unnamed people have been raped since she was attacked.
More than 93,000 rapes were reported across the country last year. And federal crime experts estimate that more than 60 percent of rapes and sexual assaults aren't even reported to authorities. She imagines her own pain multiplied among all those other victims, among the two other women this serial rapist attacked.
The assault drove her from Charlotte, and she now lives in her hometown more than a thousand miles away. In the past year, she had to learn to lean on her friends and family, police, experts, other runners, even a pit bull.
She's now starting to join rape education groups, hoping to speak out against such crimes and give others the same support. She wants survivors to know they aren't the only ones to feel the anxiety, the fear and the anger. 'You've got to let somebody give you a hug,' she said. 'You've got to say, `I'm hurt, I need help. I can't do this by myself.' ' And she hopes that maybe, if she gets the word out, people will come forward to stop rapists -- including her attacker -- from hurting anyone else.
A popular route On the morning of Sept. 25, 2005, Meghan planned to jog a new route. She said she stopped by a local coffee shop and told a friend her plans. She also told the friend when to expect her back. She'd lived in Charlotte for only about nine months, moving here with friends after finishing college. It was her first time away from her hometown. But she was trying out an experiment, giving the city at least a year. She headed off before dawn, running around Dilworth just south of uptown.
The route she chose is popular among joggers, attracting many Dowd YMCA members. The start was uneventful. Just the usual pounding of feet. On her return she ran along the usually busy East Boulevard. But for a moment, no other joggers were around her and no cars passed on the street. That's when he grabbed her. His face was covered with a cloth. He threatened her with what turned out to be a screwdriver. 'I'm only 4' 10.' I'm sure people are imagining some strong runner woman,' Meghan said. 'I tried to struggle, but he was just too overpowering.'
She seized a brief moment to yell for help. 'It's the scream you would give if it's your only chance someone would hear you. It's also the scream that you give when you know that this could be it,' she said. 'I can hear that scream and it haunts me today.'
She stumbled out to the street once the man fled. It was 7:14 a.m., the moment of sunrise that day. She flagged down the first people she saw, three men jogging down the same route. She never learned their names.
Another jogger, this time a woman, also stopped when she came upon Meghan at the start of her own run. 'I grabbed her for dear life,' Meghan said. She was rushed to Presbyterian Hospital. The forensic nurses there helped connect her with support groups.
Charlotte-Mecklenburg police talked with her. She visited a group counseling session. She didn't speak. But she called a national hot line for rape survivors, a lot, she said. That was the beginning, when she was first starting to learn how much she would need the help of others. She relied on friends and family. 'They have told me to call them morning, noon and night,' she said. 'And I have taken them up on that. 4:04 in the morning. 4:05 in the morning. 4:06 in the morning.'
Meghan thought she was going to be able to stay in the city she had just adopted. Friends and family who had flown in or driven cross country surrounded her. But they had to return to their lives. 'Once everybody left and things were getting too much back to ...,' her voice trailed off. 'It was getting too quiet for me.'
Rebuilding confidence
When she talks about how her life twisted that morning, she speaks haltingly, slow to find the words.She says she's a different person. She's more aware. More cautious. Less trusting. Sometimes she's filled with anxiety. Sometimes she's angry. But she's also determined. 'I'm just going to keep trying to view this experience for something positive,' she said.
She started to run again, indoors, too scared to go outside. And she started to work with a personal trainer. He suggested she work out with his American pit bull terrier. 'You're going to train me with what? I don't know about this,' she recalled saying. But the dog, Maximus, senses when she is anxious or afraid. So she uses the dog to learn to reclaim her poise. 'My trainer is teaching me to be more confident, show Maximus that I am leading him, that I am in charge, that I believe in myself,' she said. 'When I do that Maximus always obeys me. He walks beside me, not in front of me.'
This summer she started to run outdoors again. She joined a program in her hometown where dozens, sometimes hundreds, turn out each day to train together.
Surrounded by up to 300 people she finally felt safe, insulated from another attack. Now, she said, she doesn't need hundreds of running companions. She sometimes runs with her mom. But alone? 'It's still difficult. I still haven't run by myself outside,' she said. 'I have every confidence in the world that I will do that. It's going to take some time.'
And this spring she visited Charlotte. She went to Harris Teeter and bought some sunflowers, a favorite symbol for her. 'They always point to the direction of the sun,' she explained. She went to the place where she was attacked and left the sunflowers there.
Michelle Says So:
Just the thought that women have to do this makes me sick. There are so many things that I am limited to do because us women can't trust ANYONE anymore.
Every man I look at while walking down a quiet street I think of as a potential predator. It seems like humans are starting to realize the importance of predator and prey.
This is my weapon of choice...I'd aim straight at the throat/hole area.
Rape by strangers is comparatively rare, police say. About seven out of 10 females who were raped or sexually assaulted nationwide in 2005 knew their attackers, according to the federal Bureau of Justice Statistics.
Here are some tips to protect yourself while outdoors:
** Do not jog alone. In a public place, don't allow yourself to be isolated.
** Try to stay in well-lit, crowded areas.
** Travel with a purpose, scanning the area around you.
** Always let someone know the route you plan to take on a run and when you expect to return.
** Avoid distractions such as talking on a cell phone. Do not wear headphones for music that may limit awareness of your surroundings.
** Don't stop for strangers who approach. Be aware of cars that pull up close or pass more than once.
** Report anything suspicious to 911.
IF YOU ARE ATTACKED:
** Don't try to reason with the attacker.
** Look for ways to escape.
** Carry something to protect yourself. If you decide to fight, don't announce your intentions.
** If you feel you can fight back, do not start when someone has a gun or knife to your throat. The most vulnerable places to strike an attacker are in the throat, eyes and groin.
** Call 911 or a rape-crisis hot line. You can check your phone book's community information pages for a local number or call the national Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN). It operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline, which will connect you to a local hotline: (800) 656-HOPE(4673).
** Do not take a shower.
** Save the clothes you were wearing or wore afterward in a paper bag, not a plastic bag that can grow mold that contaminates evidence.
** Ask someone you trust to help you get to a nearby hospital to treat your injuries and collect evidence in case you decide to press charges. Bring a change of clothes with you.
1 comment:
I live in Johannesburg South Africa and was amazed to read your article about not being able to walk alone. For a lot of people in South Africa, not going for a walk, even to the local botanical garden, is becoming the norm. I don't have the stats for South Africa but I know that rape and women abuse is a huge problem.
These problems affect us all and yet we in Africa sometimes feel so alone.
I intend reading your article and maybe you can visit my blog http://gfgsa.blogspot.com - trying to start a blog to encourage women to start looking towards friendship, you know "girl friends: the one's who are there when no one else is" someone to call and go for coffee, or a movie, or the theatre. Driving at night as a woman on your own is not advisable. I intend doing it as I will not let crime make me a prisoner in my own country.
I will visit this blog again.
Tks
Mwah
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