Originally posted 10/9/2009
I love my father dearly, but he's never been one to openly care about crime or anything socially related unless it directly affects him. I've been crime writing for over four years, and I know he's proud of what I'm doing, but I know he's not really interested.
That's cool. It's not "his thing". I respect that.
However, a couple weeks ago I was published in an interview with the "Human Trafficking Project" in regards to U.S. domestic human/sex trafficking.
I specifically stated in the interview:
"I went to law school for a year with dreams of becoming a prosecutor in sex crimes. I am a victim of rape and I wanted to help others by putting sex offenders away...Soon after I started my blog, I began following the Natalee Holloway case. I felt connected with her personally due to the fact she was sexually assaulted and hadn’t received any justice for her assault and murder."
A week later I spoke to my dad on the phone and asked him if he had read my interview. He paused and stated, "Yes."
The line sounded dead. I heard nothing.
I asked, "Well....what did you think?"
He paused again and said, "Well, I was surprised to read some things you mentioned about yourself..." And he stopped abruptly.
I was in shock because I hadn't realized he never knew about my own victimizations. Sometimes it seems as though perfect strangers know more about my life and what I've endured than my own family. He had to read about it on a blog.
It was totally thoughtless of me...it just didn't register that I've never talked to him about my personal life. Especially something like that. No father wants to hear that his daughter was twice raped and sexually assaulted by many others since the age of 14.
That was the day I crushed my father. I felt horrible. I am his first born, his favorite, his "pride and joy". What was I to him now?
Someone like my father, who is a "revenge" type of person, never knew about these things...it must have killed him that he is powerless to do anything now.
Instead of talking about it, I pour out my emotions in a journal, and put the abuse away deep in my closet. I've never actually healed.
My "healing" has been my fight and vengeance and justice for other victims; I never thought about my own justice.
To this day, I keep it locked away, but some of it slipped in that interview.
Next thing I know, my dad is interested in the Roman Polanski child rape case. I never felt like writing about Polanski because I feel his story is over-saturated in the media; and since he is a celebrity, I'm sure he will get out of it.
My dad proceeds to write the following emails that just BLEW ME AWAY. Never did he care about this subject before, and never has he used these words in such an angered manner.
That day he sent those emails to me are my best memories yet.
Thank you dad, I love you.
To: me
Sent: Monday, October 5, 2009 9:42:30 AM
Subject: justice
Have you written anything about that "Pig" Roman Polanski on your blog?? Read the Grand Jury Testimony March 1977. He settled out of court with the victim for $500,000, however there is no proof that he ever paid one cent. Bring him back, let him spend some time behind bars, about ten yrs, it will never happen!!
Dad
-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle S
To: DAD
Sent: Mon, Oct 5, 2009 8:48 am
Subject: Re: justice
I'm surprised you have an opinion on this! No, I haven't written anything in my blog about him...the news is over-saturated with him, and I like to focus on less sensational cases.
The woman (girl) doesn't want to testify or press charges after all this time, and without her testimony, they have no case...unless they charge him with fleeing the country and I don't know much about extradition laws, etc. Plus, there is a statute of limitations on sexual assault. There are so many factors in this case that have all the legal talking heads on cable news spinning.
Michelle
-----Original Message-----
From: DAD
To: Michelle
Sent: Monday, October 5, 2009 9:55:19 AM
Subject: Re: justice
Love--
Michelle
The woman (girl) doesn't want to testify or press charges after all this time, and without her testimony, they have no case...unless they charge him with fleeing the country and I don't know much about extradition laws, etc. Plus, there is a statute of limitations on sexual assault. There are so many factors in this case that have all the legal talking heads on cable news spinning.
Michelle
-----Original Message-----
From: DAD
To: Michelle
Sent: Monday, October 5, 2009 9:55:19 AM
Subject: Re: justice
This is not going away, there will be Justice!! When you read the testimony you will change your mind, when guys like me read what happened to this little girl, we think about our daughter's and what we would have done to this Pig, he was 44 and she was 13, I want Justice!
-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle S
To: DAD
Sent: Mon, Oct 5, 2009 8:59 am
Subject: Re: justice
WOW...your anger surprises me. I never thought you cared much about that stuff.
I indeed read the testimony of the girl many years ago...I have been familiar with the case for a long time. I never understood why the U.S. and France didn't share extradition for sex offenders.
If he doesn't get justice here, then justice will come in other forms...karma works wonders.
Michelle
-----Original Message-----
From: DAD
To: Michelle
Sent: Fri, October 9, 2009 9:24:37 AM
Subject: Re: Polanski
It's not about the victim this time, I understand her feelings, it's about the law and what is right, justice for all victims were the law has failed, if this was the common man he would have been put away for 20 yrs.
We have to stop looking the other way, this sends the wrong message to our youth, if you have money and fame there are different rules for you. That is not what our country stands for.
Most father's will always protect their daughter's, I don't know anything about the victum's father? Where was he?? All I know is that Polanski would be long dead if it was one of my daughters.
DAD
----Original Message-----
From: Michelle S
To: DAD
Sent: Mon, Oct 5, 2009 8:59 am
Subject: Re: justice
I TOTALLY AGREE with what you are saying. I'm just saying I know he's going to get out of it like all the other celebrities. He DESERVES punishment. But deep down you know there will be no justice. That is where karma comes into play.
-----Original Message-----
From: Michelle S
To: DAD
Sent: Mon, Oct 5, 2009 8:59 am
Subject: Re: justice
WOW...your anger surprises me. I never thought you cared much about that stuff.
I indeed read the testimony of the girl many years ago...I have been familiar with the case for a long time. I never understood why the U.S. and France didn't share extradition for sex offenders.
If he doesn't get justice here, then justice will come in other forms...karma works wonders.
Michelle
-----Original Message-----
From: DAD
To: Michelle
Sent: Fri, October 9, 2009 9:24:37 AM
Subject: Re: Polanski
It's not about the victim this time, I understand her feelings, it's about the law and what is right, justice for all victims were the law has failed, if this was the common man he would have been put away for 20 yrs.
We have to stop looking the other way, this sends the wrong message to our youth, if you have money and fame there are different rules for you. That is not what our country stands for.
Most father's will always protect their daughter's, I don't know anything about the victum's father? Where was he?? All I know is that Polanski would be long dead if it was one of my daughters.
DAD
----Original Message-----
From: Michelle S
To: DAD
Sent: Mon, Oct 5, 2009 8:59 am
Subject: Re: justice
I TOTALLY AGREE with what you are saying. I'm just saying I know he's going to get out of it like all the other celebrities. He DESERVES punishment. But deep down you know there will be no justice. That is where karma comes into play.
Love--
Michelle
16 comments:
It seems that for most of us who follow crime and victimization that there is a "wake up" case that hits too close to home that gets our attention and spurs us to be involved. Not only do we want to get involved for those close to us who have been affected, but we want to be involved for the sake of future victims.
I'm sure your dad was shocked and sickened to hear about what happened to you, and also a little helpless in knowing what to do. Glad it's out in the open for you both, I'm sure it will help.
Another "Daddy's Girl"
Delilah
your father summed up Roman Polanski "a pig" couldn't agree more!
He knows more about this case than Whoopi "it wasn't rape-rape" Goldberg!
Michelle, that was a great post!
I don't know how people like you and others write about your own victimization on the blogs, it takes a lot of courage!
Are you familar with Liz Seccuro? She was a victim of gang rape, her rapist actually contacted her years after the incident apologizing and he wanted forgiveness. It was part of a 12-step program. She turned him in to police.
He went to jail, but I think he only served a couple of years and he is out now.
I had her on my show to discuss the Roman Polanski case and all the idiotic celebrities defending him.
Thanks Delilah--I'm glad I could share this knowing my dad won't read it. :) It was cathartic for me, and made me feel much closer to my dad than ever before.
BTW--I find it ironic that my dad used the word "PIG" to describe Polanski since that was the word scrawled in blood all over his house when his wife and friends were murdered. Creepy.
Levi--
I confronted both people about what they did to me, and they actually had the balls to act surprised as if they didn't do anything wrong. Those stories are going in my memoir that I am struggling to finish.
What has happened to the minds of some men? I just don't get it. I am glad I have a son so I can teach him how to treat a woman and the difference between RIGHT AND WRONG, and to know what each means.
We do not give our dads - our fathers - the first male loves of our lives - enough credit for being emotional - for being there for the family. We tried to be good for dad when he came home from work because he had worked hard and did not need kids yelling or fighting or misbehaving but you know what - we cheated everyone of them. They never saw the REAL US. Their kids in their finest forms. Not if we all put on our best faces and behaved better for them than for mom. How sad.
How terribly, terribly sad for our dads from the older generations. Dads are more involved with their children now than ever before. It makes perfect sense why - because many of the moms have to work and the dads have to do more around the house and with the kids. They KNOW their kids better now.
I do not feel my dad knew me very well when I was younger and that is COMPLETELY my own fault. I remember one time when I was still a teenager and I thought I was pregnant and I was scared to death! I went into the dining room / livingroom, where mom was sitting at the kitchen table reading her ‘nosey magazines’ (National Enquirer) and I sat down in dad’s chair and said (I remember it like it was yesterday), “Mom, how do you tell someone something when you know ahead of time that it is going to hurt them”. She closed her paper, took off her glasses, looked and me and said, “You just tell me”. [MOM, I LOVE YOU SO, SO, SO MUCH AND I MISS YOU SO, SO, SO MUCH – we lost mom March 22, 1998 – her birthday is coming up on October 31 – she was born in 1924.] I hesitantly told her that I thought I might be pregnant, and much to my surprise, she calmly got up and called our doctor and within the hour we were down there and I was getting a pregnancy test.
Then we went home – and just before suppertime I was in my room and I heard dad come home. I heard mom tell him she needed to talk to him (my parents never EVER talked in front of us kids about ANYTHING of importance – unlike me, my kids were there for every single thing…good or bad…they pretty well heard it all. A few minutes later dad came into my room and I seriously did not know what to expect. Dad never was the ‘punisher’ in our home – mom was! She broke many a wooden spoon cracking it on the edge of the table – and that was enough to smarten any educated kid up fast. We never got the spoon on our skin; just the thought of it was enough for us! Mom sure did a good job on us…seriously!
I will never, ever forget that day. Dad came in, sat down on my sister’s bed and started to tell me that mom told him what I told her and that we went to the doctor for a pregnancy test. I guess I thought I was going to be in trouble, but I wasn’t. Much to my surprise my daddy was there to talk to his daughter and explain that I was not BAD. That I had made a mistake but that did not make me the horrible person I thought I was. He told me that I had options and that I was the ONLY person who could decide what I would do…meaning – abortion, have and keep the baby or have and put the baby up for adoption.
This is too long - CONTINUED...
...CONTINUED (my message was too long)
You see, I never knew back then that this happened a lot, it just was kept quiet – a ‘family secret’, so to speak (but secrets fester and are never good – so thank God we have come a long way since then). Unfortunately there are many young women who get pregnant when they are teenagers, but ‘back in those days’ it was not spoken about. As a matter of fact, I found out when I was 24 years old that I had an older sister that my mom had as a teenager that was put up for adoption (the story is much more complicated, but until I write a book, this is the easiest way to put it). When I was 24 my sister found my mom and we all reunited and with her family – husband and 4 children – she moved to Kamloops where we live, so she could get to know her blood family.
Not only was it a shock to me that my mom had a child out of wedlock, I found out that day my dad and I talked that I had one cousin who had a baby and put her up for adoption (who has also found us and is back in the arms and hearts of us) and another cousin who had an abortion when she was fresh out of high school and no where near ready to have a child or even (for reasons not my business) to go full term with the pregnancy.
Wow, this was not the ‘comment’ I was starting out to make. I decided rather than spill out my entire life, I just wanted to come back to the true meaning of my message. The bottom line is this: YEARS AGO, MEN WERE RAISED TO BE STRONG, TO BE TOUGH, TO HIDE THEIR TEARS AND EMOTIONS AND BECAUSE OF THAT, MEN WERE NOT ABLE TO SHOW THEIR TRUE POTENTIAL AS LOVING, CARING PEOPLE. That has changed – my hubby and my ex-Dwight both are very close with their kids and step kids and thank God for that. Thank God women have opened to the reality that men are HUMAN BEINGS. We do not tell the kids to ‘Shhhhh, Daddy is tired and had a tough day’. No, we want…we expect – fathers to know as much as we do about our children. Ok, maybe it has not got there yet for most – but as long as they know their children’s teacher’s names and their best friend’s parent’s names we have come a long, long way.
So, to Michelle and her Daddy – MEN HAVE COME A LONG WAY AND THANK YOU. Dad – God bless you for being there for your girl! Sincerely and with great love, missing Jessie Foster’s mom, Glendene.
I identify with you personally and I must say I protected my father too and he passed never 'knowing'.I don't regret that but am glad your father is supporting you. I know mine would have supported me too, his first born and little girl! Anyway, thanks for all you do!! <3 I won't stop speaking out either! I was just 11rs old. I'm now 50! It never goes away but these animals should be put away forever!!! terri
Lisa said
I really appreciate all that you do Michelle and it was inspiring to hear how you started. I think you would have been a "Nancy Grace" type of prosecutor. The world is sure a better place because you are in it.
Without people like you victims would have no voice. God bless you.
Lisa Healey
I hope you have explained to your father that the 13 year old female was well acquainted with qualudes, that she had had a number of prior sex partners, all of them older than she was, that there was no discontent until after the mother tried to get money from Polanski and that the usual penalty in those circumstances is no more than 90 days, if even that.
I trust you've also explained to him that California is releasing violent offenders due to overcrowding and would not normally spend so much time and money to put a geriatric prisoner into an expensive cell.
FleaStiff--
Your argument is weak. It doesn't matter what she did, or what she was "familiar with"...she was a 13 year old CHILD.
I take it you don't have a daughter or sister?
CHILD??
She knew how to drink, how to screw and how to do a variety of drugs, but mainly knew how to do her drug of choice, qualudes which is what he gave her.
You consider her to be a child in need of protection? I can just see her taking a cigar out of her mouth and offering to take every cent you have at poker! And you call her a child?
She is only one year below what one member of the US Supreme Court suggested should be the national age of consent.
You are one sick F. I think it's time for you to head back to the hospital and make sure you take your meds.
You are an evil soul. Who raised you? Charles Manson? I pity every person who crosses your path.
Flea, you do not know anything about her sex life at that time of her life. You're full of shit and as usual defending a thug like Roman Polanski. You're such a thug hugger. Why do you identify with the criminals and always bash the victims?
You spout BS on every blog you comment on.
Although the appellate court ruled that the trial judge acted within the range of his discretion in denying Polanski relief while absent from the jurisdiction of the court, the appellate court did take the unusual step of suggesting that the matter be settled without the defendant having to trek to America and the court did urge the DA to investigate the improper activity of the prosecutor whose comments induced the defendant to flee the jurisdiction of the court in the first place.
Its about as close as the appellate court could come to saying "let the old man go home and have the prosecutor attend to more pressing matters".
It seems the prosecutor is rather vindictive and the judge is failing to heed a very strong suggestion from a higher court.
NYTimes:"...He referred to Mr. Polanski with a litany of names, calling him “this criminal,” “this fugitive” and “this child rapist,” which drew a rebuke from Judge Espinoza: “That’s not helpful, I’d rather not inflame this case. Espinoza has flatly rejected solutions that were urged, if not mandated, in an earlier appeals court opinion."
It seems that since there was a possibility of a less than six month sentence, Polanski may not have been eligible for extradition but the prosecutor failed to point that out to Swiss authorities.
They sure are spending alot of time money and energy going after an old man for a 42 day sentence at a time when they can't even house defendants who do belong in jail.
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