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October 26, 2022
March 7, 2013
WHY DOES HOLLYWOOD IDOLIZE MIKE TYSON?
Imagine you decide to go to the theatre to see an alleged, “One Man Act”. Imagine how you might feel after you find out that this "performer" is a convicted rapist? How would you feel when you found out that this person has to register as a sex offender in every state he works in?
After learning this information, I am going to assume that the majority of law abiding citizens would be up in arms over this performance in their cities. You think to yourself, "Why would anyone pay to see a sex offender ramble on about their poor, hard life?" Wouldn’t you question the theatre owners and promoters and demand an explanation for why they are giving this rapist a platform and getting paid for it?
Well guess what. This really happened. People did see this convicted rapist, and they paid up to $250 ticket to listen to this longstanding criminal and sex offender justify himself. All on your dime, he's getting some sick pleasure out of exploiting his criminal acts and assassinating the character of his victims.
Did you know this monstrosity started on Broadway? The infamous and controversial director, Spike Lee is producing it. Thanks to the Hollywood machine, this rapist will be touring 36 cities, banking the bucks and getting crazy, wild publicity out of it.
Who is this performing rapist? His name is Mike Tyson.
It is of my opinion that entertainment executives, investors and the entire Hollywood machine have ignored that Mike Tyson is a SEX OFFENDER. He is a rapist. He is a self-admitted violent man. The movie “The Hangover” became less funny when I saw that ugly tattooed mug appear on the screen ruining a perfectly good Phil Collins song. Why do the powers that be in Hollywood think it's a great idea to idolize and capitalize off a monster? What part of rapist do they not understand? He’s not an “alleged” rapist. He IS a rapist.
Every sexual assault survivor got a big slap in the face last month with a ugly wrapped package of the NBC network, and its television show, Law & Order: SVU (Special Victims Unit.) The sick irony? Tyson played the victim of a prison rape.
Did I miss something? Was this supposed to be funny? Were these people serious? Tyson playing a rape victim?!
In the video below, Marcie Kaveney, a sexual assault advocate, called for a Petition on Change.org asking NBC recast Tyson's character. When asked why would NBC do something like that (casting Tyson as a rape victim on a very sensitive show), Kaveney stated, "I can't even say because they haven't even come out to say anything. They never responded to the petition, they haven't responded to any interviews...all I can think is ratings. Maybe they thought with it being controversial that it would get ratings and new viewers."
FORGOTTEN VICTIM, DESIREE WASHINGTON
In July 1991, Tyson was one of the judges for Miss Black America. Desiree Washington, Miss Black Rhode Island, was introduced to Tyson and later offered to take her for a ride in his limo to see Indianapolis. Desiree testified that Tyson made sexual advances towards her in the limo where she rebuffed him and he stated to her, "Oh, you're not like the city girls. You're a Christian girl." Tyson told the limo driver he needed to stop at his hotel room and insisted that Desiree come with him.
She testified that upon arriving at his hotel room, she excused herself to use the bathroom, and when she emerged she stated to the jury, "I glanced over and saw the defendant in his underwear...on the bed. He was just sitting there.... I was terrified." Tyson pinned her down on his bed and raped her despite her pleas to stop. "It felt like someone was ripping me apart," she said. After the rape, she ran out of the room and asked Tyson's chauffeur to drive her back to her hotel. Tyson's chauffeur, Virginia Foster, confirmed Desiree Washington's state of shock. Dr. Thomas Richardson, the emergency room physician who examined Washington confirmed that Washington's physical condition was consistent with rape. (Source)
Tyson was convicted on the rape charge on February 10, 1992 after the jury deliberated for nearly 10 hours. Tyson was sentenced to six years, but only served three, and was released in 1995.
AN ANIMAL OUT OF ITS CAGE
After being released, in an interview with Fox News Anchor Greta Van Susteren, Tyson was asked if he raped Desiree Washington. His answer? “No, I didn't rape that slimy bitch...just a lying, reptilian, monstrous, young lady. I just hate her guts. She put me in that state where, I don't know, I really wish I did now. Now I really do want to rape her and her (expletive) mama." Source
He’s so full of hatred for being accused of this crime and “that woman” ruining his life. He’s no rapist! Right? Yet, in 2002 he was quoted as saying “[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.” Freudian "rape" slip? Source
TYSON’S “RAPE LIST”
Tyson happily brags in the same Van Susteren interview that he wishes he’d raped every single human being he’s ever seen, met, or had even minimal contact with, ever, in his entire lifetime.
"Yeah, um, that lady, what's her name? Who walked my dog that day one time? I wish I raped that bitch good…and that Hilton bitch, what’s her name, Paris or Rome, I wanted to rape her one time but didn’t, I forget why, I think I was tired or something. 8And my cousin Veronica, she woulda' been good to rape. And my old mailman, Hank, back in Green Point [Brooklyn], I wish I’d raped him, too. That woulda' been funny, raping the mailman. His little mailman helmet woulda' fallen off and maybe I’d pick it up and wear it while raping him. Yeah, that woulda' been funny."
Tyson also threatened Van Susteren, "After this interview I’ll probably look back and say, 'Damn, why didn’t I rape that Greta Van Whatever bitch, too…That woulda' been funny, raping that Greta lady while she tried to ask me those stupid questions. I mean, yeah, um, raping everyone from my life is all I think about."
Others on Tyson’s “rape list” included his “bitch fourth grade teacher Ms. Hoffman, bitch choreographer Debbie Allen, Robin Givens’ greedy bitch mother, that fat Mexican bitch in that burrito place near the gym, that bitch Celine Dion, that Trista bitch from The Bachelorette, and former UN Secretary General Burtos Butros Gali.” Source
NOT ENOUGH OUTRAGE
So with all the above in mind, why haven’t we seen more outrage about Tyson cashing in on his infamy? Why are Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public giving their hard earned dollars to watch this so-called “entertainment” by a convicted rapist?
If you think Tyson is “reformed”, think about this. He once stated in an interview, "I wish that you guys had children so I could kick them in the fucking head or stomp on their testicles so you could feel my pain because that's the pain I have waking up every day."
So, Why is Mike Tyson relevant?
We, the entertainment consumers keep him relevant. Do your part, don’t take part in watching SVU, do not see his “one man show”, write an email or tweet to Spike Lee @SpikeLee, or go to his website directly at: http://www.40acres.com. Voice your opinion to him!
Write the executives at NBC and tell them how disgusting they were to think it was ok to put a sex offender on their show and portray him as a victim.
Do they all think we’re stupid? I know we aren't. Stand up and have a voice. What’s going on here is NOT ok. Not everyone has succumbed to society’s decay of moral values. Let’s show those people pulling the strings behind the magical curtain what is acceptable and what isn’t!
We bear responsibility too, because this is everyone’s problem. Whether you think it affects you or not, it does.
NBC Executive producers, Law & Order: SVU
Dick Wolf
Peter Jankowski
Warren Leight
Bob Wright,Vice Chairman and Executive Officer
GEChairman and Chief Executive Officer
NBC Universal
Headquarters
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
E-mail: robert.wright@nbcuni.com
Phone: (212) 664-4444
Fax: (201) 583-5453
February 23, 2013
CANADA ADDRESSES CARIBBEAN TRAVEL SAFETY
Originally posted 3/14/09
"A 2007 report by the World Bank and the United Nations said the Caribbean murder rate has risen to the world's highest, thanks largely to drug trafficking. Assaults also occur more frequently than the global average."
The recent attack on Ottawa's Terry Schwarzfeld and her daughter-in-law while walking along a Barbados beach is the latest incident that draws attention to the potential dangers of vacationing in the Caribbean and Central America.
A 2007 report by the World Bank and the United Nations said the Caribbean murder rate has risen to the world's highest, thanks largely to drug trafficking. Assaults also occur more frequently than the global average.
On certain islands, though, hurricanes, mudslides, or volcanic eruption rate higher risks than armed robbery or a beachfront mugging. And most all-inclusive resorts are walled compounds with extensive security.
But no country is crime-free. And prudence is needed even in supposedly safe areas, according to Inder Handa, president of Ottawa-based Handa Travel.
"The best way to know is through local people," Handa said.
"There is no safe place. It doesn't matter where you are. You have to be very, very careful."
Still, some sultry destinations are considered more dangerous than others by the Department of Foreign Affairs, the U.S. Department of State, and Britain's Foreign and Commonwealth Office.
As seen by departments of foreign affairs:
1. Anguilla
Some petty and drug-related crime, but overall a low threat level.
2. Antigua and Barbuda
The overall crime rate against tourists is low, despite a recent increase in violent incidents. Two Britons died last July after a shooting in their room. An Australian yacht captain died after being shot in January.
3. Aruba
Considered safe, as is the case with other Dutch Caribbean territories. But the island has been earning unwanted publicity since 2005, when American teenager Natalee Holloway disappeared.
4. The Bahamas
Considered fairly safe for tourists. Crime that does occur is usually non-violent. Outer islands report fewer incidents.
5. Barbados
Barbados has a lower violent crime rate than many of its Caribbean neighbours. But violent crime against tourists is increasing, according to Foreign Affairs, who specifically point to the dangers of Long Beach, where the attack on Schwarzfeld took place. Police commissioner Darwin Dottin countered in a recent report that attacks on tourists are highly unusual.
6. Belize
Violent crime and sexual assaults against tourists have risen in recent years, the American government reports. Crime is rarely reported in resort areas, but can be a problem in larger cities. Armed gangs are known to prowl where tourists congregate, though.
7. Bermuda
Despite an image of shorts and scooters, tourists here are told to avoid deserted beaches and unpopulated areas after dark. Most crime is drug-related, according to the British government.
8. Cayman Islands
Some reports of robbery, assault, and sexual assault.
9. Costa Rica
Popular with adventure seekers, an increasing number of armed robberies and carjackings have been reported there, along with kidnappings where tourists are forced to withdraw money from automated bank machines. Sexual assaults on tourists have also been reported at beach resorts but remain rare.
10. Cuba
Reports of violent crime have increased, but the island is generally considered safe for tourists. Muggings and other attacks tend to occur in large cities. The Cuban government's full employment policy means all- inclusive resorts are heavily patrolled by armed security guards.
11. Dominica
Robberies can occur in tourist areas, but the region is considered safe.
12. Dominican Republic
Crime has increased recently. Violent attacks occasionally occur against tourists, including sexual assaults at resorts.
13. Grenada
Considered far safer than many other Caribbean islands, though street crime is common.
14. Haiti
All non-essential travel is discouraged, but adventurous tourists do visit the troubled country. Foreigners have been kidnapped, and gang violence continues despite UN efforts.
15. Jamaica
Violent crime is most common in urban areas, especially Kingston. But armed robbery and purse snatching occur throughout the country and can turn dangerous. Most resorts have significant security measures in place.
16. Mexico
Mexico's crime rate has earned plenty of attention in Canada. Foreigners can be targeted for violent assaults and robberies -- sometimes by hotel and resort employees. Kidnappings are common in large cities, but tourists are not specifically targeted, according to Foreign Affairs. Robberies can also happen on long-distance buses. Drug-related violence has plagued border regions with the United States. Women travelling alone are considered to face greater risk.
17. Montserrat
Crime is less of a concern here than hurricanes or the occasional volcano activity.
18. Puerto Rico
Occasional riots can spread to tourist areas.
19. Saint Lucia
The overall crime rate is low for the region. There are occasional muggings and armed robberies in tourist areas, and a few sexual assaults against visitors have been reported over the past year. Andrea Muizelaar, a former winner of Canada's Next Top Model, and a friend were assaulted last year by three men with knives after leaving their cruise ship.
20. Trinidad and Tobago
Gang violence is most common in Trinidad's inner-city neighbourhoods, and violent crime is on the rise -- including the use of firearms. Tobago is considered safer, but solo visits to beaches are discouraged. Attacks increased in 2008, including home invasions; a Swedish couple were murdered in their villa in October.
21. Turks and Caicos
Considered safe and a popular destination for Canadian tourists. This is not surprising, because ever since the First World War, a number of Canadian politicians have floated the idea of bringing the islands into Confederation.
22. Venezuela
The home of Hugo Chavez also has one of the world's highest crime rates. Murders and armed robberies occur in and around resort areas and national parks. There have been reports of foreign women being drugged and assaulted.
British and U.S. Virgin Islands, Antigua, Aruba, Curacao, Guadeloupe, Netherlands Antilles, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Martinique, Saint Martin, Saint Vincent and The Grenadines.
These islands, many of which remain British, French, or Dutch possessions, are considered safe compared to their Caribbean neighbours.
February 19, 2013
SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS BAD FOR BUSINESS
In the spring of 2001, I was 27 years old. I was just downsized in a mass layoff from another company. It just so happened that my mother was working for an environmental firm in the same business complex. She suggested I send my resume to her because she was the President’s executive assistant.
I got the job, and immediately the President “Terry” treated me so well. He didn’t treat me like an inexperienced 20-something bimbo. He was quite the opposite. He treated me with professional respect, marveled over my resume, and promised that if I had the drive, I would go very far in this company. I was thrilled.
The harassment started out small. First there were emails that read, “So, do you want to play?” I deleted them and shrugged them off. I couldn’t believe those messages meant anything serious. Terry was a married man with five children! However, I was so naïve it took many incidents before I realized what was going on.
Early that summer, I was invited to an out-of-town environmental seminar. We would all stay in a hotel. I roomed with the company’s attorney, “Catherine”. The morning we were leaving, the hotel phone rang. Catherine picked it up and handed me the receiver. I had no idea who it was. Surprisingly, it was Terry. He told me that his wife forgot to pack his toothpaste and would I bring mine down to his room. I replied, “Why don’t you get some from the front desk or have them bring it to you?” He insisted that I come down immediately, and I did what I was told. He was my boss.
When he opened up his door, he was standing there completely wet wearing only a towel. I handed him the toothpaste and backed up several feet. He said, “Do you want to come in?” I stated, “No.” He looked at me as if I was crazy and said, “Oh jeez…I’m not going to do anything to you! Don’t be stupid…”
Terry told me to sit down and relax. I sat down, but I was not relaxed. He pulled out a joint and handed it to me saying, “Here, smoke some of this since you’re so uptight.” I was floored! Not only was my boss smoking weed in front of me, but he offered me some as well! I told him no. He said, “Oh, come on…who am I going to tell? Your mom?”
He started to dress in front of me, while I turned my head. I was sick to my stomach. After about 40 minutes, he finally used my toothpaste and returned it to me. I was free to leave. I ran up the stairs not knowing what I was going to say to Catherine. I walked in the door and she looked at me as if I had done something wrong and said, “Why in the hell were you down there for almost an hour?” I told her nothing. I was scared of the consequences if I told her about Terry and what he did. Instead I just explained to her that I gave him the toothpaste and he had me sitting there waiting for him. I didn’t tell her that he was only wearing a towel and dressed in front of me. I didn’t tell her that he was smoking a joint and offered me some. I don’t know why I felt I needed to protect him for his actions, but I did and kept my mouth shut.
Terry began to constantly call me into his office telling me to bring a pad and pen. When I showed up I was always ordered to close the door behind me. He explained that he wanted me to take notes about where I was heading in the company. He threw out all these fantastic titles, and what kind of work I could do. He basically told me that I had free reign of my position and he would even let me make up my own responsibilities.
Terry had a disturbing habit of pushing papers towards his pencil holder so they would fall in front of his desk. I always bent over and picked them up. I was so naïve, I had no clue what he was doing until I noticed him smirking and laughing to himself…as if he was so clever. When I left his office he said, “Turn around.” I asked, “Why?” He stated, “I want to use you as a fantasy for when I have sex with my wife.” I was disgusted. To save face he replied, “I’m just kidding girl! Don’t you dare tell your mother about this.”
Soon after that incident, Terry’s wife kicked him out of their house. Lord knows what for. He was staying at the “Extended Stay” Hotel about a ½ mile down the street. Early on a Friday night, he called my cell phone and stated that he needed some important papers delivered to him at his hotel. I was the only one besides my mother that lived in town, so I was the only one that could do this for him.
I went back to work and retrieved the papers, drove to the hotel with the intention of leaving them at the front desk. But he was waiting for me. He motioned for me to come with him into his room so he could sit down to see if there was anything missing. I was so upset and angry, but I couldn’t tell him no because he was my boss. I was afraid.
We walked into his room and he immediately removed his shirt and sprawled out on the bed not even looking at the papers. He asked me to sit with him on his bed. I said no. He literally begged me to cuddle with him because he was so lonely ever since his wife kicked him out. I sat on the edge of the bed and couldn’t look him in the eye. Then he asked me to give him a massage. I thought, “Are you kidding me?” Instead of being rude, I kindly told him no because he was my boss and it wasn’t a good idea. He started crying. I don’t know if they were crocodile tears in order to get me to stay, but the act didn’t work. I said goodbye and left.
My employment changed on Monday when I came back into work. The minute I walked through the front door, I was summoned to Terry’s office. When I walked in, the Vice President of Operations was standing there. Terry cut right to the chase, “Michelle, people are starting to get jealous of our working relationship, so you will no longer be working with me. Don’t knock on my door, don’t come to me with any problems, just don’t. “Tim” is your new supervisor and I am not. You have problems, go to him.”
I was so thrilled I didn’t have to work with Terry anymore, but the phrase he used, “people are starting to get jealous…” really stuck in my head. A few days later, my mom was “let go” for no apparent reason. Maybe it was because Terry was scared that I would tell my mom what he was doing? And who knows what their in-house attorney Catherine was saying. Maybe she advised it?
I no longer worked on the projects that I had been slaving over. I was given a desk in the back of the office with a partition in front of me. I could see no one, and no one could see me. I sat at my desk with absolutely nothing to do. I had literally been stripped of everything I had worked for.
Soon after I was sent to a new location. It was small room where everyone stored their junk along with one empty desk. I was told that I had to keep the door shut at all times. I was not allowed to prop the door open. I was not allowed to converse with any of my co-workers. When I did leave my office, I was shunned by every female employee, and snickered at by every male co-worker. I was written up for situations where I did absolutely nothing wrong. I had never been treated in such a negative manner.
My naivety had morphed into complete anger. I went to see the woman in Human Resources wanting to explain what was going on. It was completely humiliating. Instead, she stared at me in disbelief. She treated me as if I was a liar, or I was there to start trouble. I thought talking to another woman would be easier; and she would be willing to help me by looking into the situation. Instead, she shamed me and told me to get back to work. Nothing was going to change.
I finally gathered up the courage to tell my mother everything that happened right under her nose while she was working for Terry. She was livid. This narcissistic creep fooled her, and no one fools my mom. She has an excellent judgment of character. She felt guilty for even suggesting me to come and work for these degenerates in the first place.
I decided to contact a female attorney who specialized in sexual harassment. I was so disappointed. She told me that if I went through and filed suit, it would be my word against Terry’s. They had large amount of funds to hire the best attorneys, while I had no money. She said that they would dig into my personal life and sexual history, just like a rape victim. She discouraged me from doing anything. I don’t know if anything she said was true, but it seemed as if not even she believed me. She treated me condescendingly. Now I was really mad.
As soon as I ended that conversation, I made it my mission to find a new job as soon as possible and quit. I was very fortunate. I confided my story to an attorney friend of mine. I think he felt sorry for me when he made a position available in his law office so I could get out of this venomous situation. For that, I am forever indebted to him.
Once I gave my notice I had my chance to give H.R. my final thoughts. I wrote in detail what I endured during my tenure at this company. I was not nice. I did not mince words. I was belligerent. I wanted to make sure this was looked at not just by H.R., but Terry, my other supervisors, and Catherine, the in-house attorney. Then I unleashed all my negative emotions to the woman running H.R., the same person I came to for help in the past. All my professionalism flew out the door. I knew I was leaving, so I didn’t care. I didn’t hold back with this woman. I walked out of that office with a load off my shoulders. I was so proud of myself that I said what I said and did what I did. I owed them nothing. I took my box of belongings and walked out of the door for good.
It was the most freeing moment of my life.
February 17, 2013
CONQUERING THE NARCISSIST
The narcissist. We’ve seen them in the public eye. Donald Trump. Bernie Madoff. Lance Armstrong. Charlie Sheen. Guess what? Most narcissists are not on television.
They walk among us. They are your husbands, your bosses, clergy, and even your children. They can easily ruin lives. They wreak havoc in the boardroom, the courtroom, and the family room.
Don’t fool yourself. A well-developed narcissist cannot be cured. Narcissists are resistant to change, making it almost impossible for them to recognize their own behaviors in order to save their relationships or careers.
Don’t fool yourself. A well-developed narcissist cannot be cured. Narcissists are resistant to change, making it almost impossible for them to recognize their own behaviors in order to save their relationships or careers.
If you insist on having a relationship with a narcissist despite the bleak prognosis you’ve been given, you’ll need to arm yourself for psychological warfare. Learn to conquer the narcissist--before they conquer you.
When dealing with a narcissist, ignorance is not bliss, and knowledge is power. Educate yourself. You must be able to recognize a narcissist before you can correctly handle them and the situation.
Narcissism is an excessive fixation on oneself. The personality disorder was named after a mythological Greek youth named Narcissus who became obsessed after falling in love with his own reflection in a lake.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines narcissistic personality disorder as:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. He or she will exaggerate achievements and talents and expects to be recognized as superior.
2. Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
3. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people.
4. Requires excessive admiration.
5. Has a sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations of others.
6. Is exploitative. He or she will take advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
7. Lacks empathy. Narcissists are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her.
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behavior or attitudes. 1
Other pervasive traits include constant interruption and domination of conversations, whether it be one-on-one, or in a group.
The etiology of narcissism is unknown, but researchers and experts believe that several factors occurring in early childhood may lead to narcissistic behavior. Some of these circumstances include excessive praise and admiration of a child by a parent that is never balanced with realistic feedback. Overindulgence by parents, family, and friends is also thought to be linked with narcissism.
WHAT IS A NARCISSIST?
Narcissism is an excessive fixation on oneself. The personality disorder was named after a mythological Greek youth named Narcissus who became obsessed after falling in love with his own reflection in a lake.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines narcissistic personality disorder as:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. He or she will exaggerate achievements and talents and expects to be recognized as superior.
2. Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
3. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people.
4. Requires excessive admiration.
5. Has a sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations of others.
6. Is exploitative. He or she will take advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
7. Lacks empathy. Narcissists are unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her.
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behavior or attitudes. 1
Other pervasive traits include constant interruption and domination of conversations, whether it be one-on-one, or in a group.
A narcissist believes that if you are not special and superior like them, you are worthless.
They will criticize not only you, but also everyone around them that doesn’t agree with them.
Beware: If the narcissist is criticized or “attacked”, they will react with anger and inner humiliation. This will trigger rifts, arguments, and ultimately, alienation of friends, colleagues or family. A narcissist is incapable of successful long term, healthy relationships.
CAUSES OF NARCISSISM?
The etiology of narcissism is unknown, but researchers and experts believe that several factors occurring in early childhood may lead to narcissistic behavior. Some of these circumstances include excessive praise and admiration of a child by a parent that is never balanced with realistic feedback. Overindulgence by parents, family, and friends is also thought to be linked with narcissism.
On the other hand, narcissistic personality disorder can also originate from severe emotional abuse or trauma during early childhood, including unpredictable or unreliable caregiving from parents. 2
Barbara was married to a pathological narcissist for over 20 years. She didn’t see the signs at age 18, when she met him in high school. He was good looking and irresistible with an abundance of superficial charm and charisma. He fooled everyone around him because he was a master at first impressions and false bravado.
A FOOL IN LOVE
Barbara was married to a pathological narcissist for over 20 years. She didn’t see the signs at age 18, when she met him in high school. He was good looking and irresistible with an abundance of superficial charm and charisma. He fooled everyone around him because he was a master at first impressions and false bravado.
He was a compulsive and pathological liar. He had countless affairs, made up educational pursuits and degrees, and exaggerated stories about people he knew and where he’d been.
It took her many years to learn that she had been duped.
Throughout their marriage, Barbara's husband was constantly fired from jobs. It was never “his fault”, instead blaming others for the discord.
Throughout their marriage, Barbara's husband was constantly fired from jobs. It was never “his fault”, instead blaming others for the discord.
He burned bridges right and left. Like an abusive relationship, he kept Barbara controlled and isolated from family and had few friends.
He expected undying loyalty and respect from everyone, but would turn on you
in a second if crossed or his logic was questioned.
He found humor in making people upset or cry, and never apologized for his offending behavior. Why would he? In his eyes, it didn’t affect him, so it wasn’t his problem.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Assess the reason why you are in this relationship. What are you getting out of it? Are your needs being met? Weigh the pros and cons of why you remain in this toxic liaison. If you are not getting what you want, walk away. Never love anything that can’t love you back.
1 Narcissistic personality disorder – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fourth edition Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR) American Psychiatric Association (2000)
2 "Narcissistic Personality Disorder". Personality Disorders – Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Armenian Medical Network. 2006. Retrieved 2007-02-14
STUCK WITH A NARCISSIST?
TIPS AND COPING SKILLS
- Lower your expectations. One shouldn’t have to lower their expectations in a relationship, but when dealing with a narcissist, there aren’t many choices. Please realize that your relationship will be completely one-sided because they are not capable of filling your emotional needs. Expect that they will exploit you by monopolizing your attention and demand that their needs and desires are attended to at all times. Remember, the narcissist lacks empathy and will never know (or care) that you are unhappy or have feelings.
- Don’t rock the boat. Choose your battles wisely. Never question the narcissist’s knowledge or point out his/her lack of knowledge. They must be “right” at all times. Be prepared to listen, but don’t plan on speaking. Don’t forget--you must forego your own opinions and ideas. Incorporating praise and admiration throughout any interaction with the narcissist is a must.
- Learn to keep yourself at an emotional distance. The narcissist will try to make you dependent upon them. If you keep your independence the narcissist is more likely to respect you.
- Master the ability to foresee bad behavior and reiterate to the narcissist the consequences for the specific behavior. Make sure you both know what your non-negotiables are, because this is where you MUST draw the line.
- Learn how to manipulate them. Example: Your boyfriend never wants to see your family during the holidays. Turn it around and make it about him, “We should go to my parents for the holidays. They think you are so funny, they just love your stories!”
- Take back control. If you are able, limit your interaction with the narcissist. Keep your boss at arms length and avoid idle chatter. If your father is an unbearable, self-centered egomaniac, put a time limit on your conversation.
Assess the reason why you are in this relationship. What are you getting out of it? Are your needs being met? Weigh the pros and cons of why you remain in this toxic liaison. If you are not getting what you want, walk away. Never love anything that can’t love you back.
1 Narcissistic personality disorder – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fourth edition Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR) American Psychiatric Association (2000)
2 "Narcissistic Personality Disorder". Personality Disorders – Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Armenian Medical Network. 2006. Retrieved 2007-02-14
January 4, 2013
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN: REBECCA MIDDLETON AND BERMUDA
Since spring break season is only months away, I want to remind potential vacationers about the tragic incidents where deadly collateral damage is pointed at innocent victims...those poor souls who just wanted to experience the time of their life somewhere in paradise.
Women, please refresh your memories or educate yourself by looking into these types of cases before making any final decisions on where you wish to travel.
The Caribbean is not as safe as everyone seems to think. And remember...we're not all saints. Think of your last vacation...were you more carefree than usual? Statistics show that when one is on vacation it is more likely 'caution will be thrown to the wind' and normal personal guards are let down or disappear. This is when the predators (A large majority being locals) will prey on that vacation naivety.
Women, please refresh your memories or educate yourself by looking into these types of cases before making any final decisions on where you wish to travel.
The Caribbean is not as safe as everyone seems to think. And remember...we're not all saints. Think of your last vacation...were you more carefree than usual? Statistics show that when one is on vacation it is more likely 'caution will be thrown to the wind' and normal personal guards are let down or disappear. This is when the predators (A large majority being locals) will prey on that vacation naivety.
Some time ago, I had a post on the case of Rebecca Middleton who was raped and murdered while vacationing in Bermuda. (SEE HERE and a follow up post HERE).
Just recently a reader stumbled upon Rebecca's story and wrote a very sad and heartfelt story of her own rape while vacationing in Bermuda. I feel that her comment must come out for more readers to see. It should remind all women to think carefully before deciding to leave the country on spring break.
If you must leave the country. Learn the laws. Do your homework. Ask yourself questions such as, "Who would I call in an emergency?" "Where is the police department located and what is the number?" "Who is the U.S. Consulate?" "What are they responsible for?"
Don't be a victim.
I'm certainly not saying to avoid traveling abroad. We shouldn't be scared by limiting ourselves in life out of fear. Situations such as these do not happen to everyone...but knowledge is power and safety is survival.
From Anonymous:
As a tourist visiting Bermuda in the summer of 2003, I was raped in Hamilton. The police treated me as though I had committed the crime. It was humiliating and horrifying. I am fortunate to have lived through the ordeal and my heart goes out to the family of Rebecca Middleton.
The incompetence of the Bermudian athorities is blatant and repugnant.
It is a tragedy that this information is kept secret enough for people to unknowingly send their daughters on vacation to a place we are not valued or kept safe from harm.
I am quite certain my rapist is still walking freely around Bermuda as the police there did little or nothing to persue him. Perhaps one day reform will come and there will be justice for Miss Middleton.
In the meanntime on a very small island filled with unsuspecting tourists (many of them young girls exposed to alcohol) there are at the very least three brutal rapists roaming free to repeat their crimes (and as sexual deviants often do) are likely to do so.
I share this information in hopes that perhaps one more person will decide to vacation elsewhere.
Bermuda is dangerous.
FACTS FROM U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE
ON BERMUDA
ON BERMUDA
CRIME: Bermuda has a moderate but growing crime rate. Recent crime statistics can be viewed a the official website of the Bermuda Police Service:
http://www.police.bm/ Examples of common crimes include theft of unattended baggage and items from rental motorbikes, purse snatching (often perpetrated against pedestrians by thieves riding motorbikes), mugging, and theft from hotel rooms. Valuables left in hotel rooms (occupied and unoccupied) or left unattended in public areas are vulnerable to theft.
The Consulate regularly receives reports of thefts of money, valuables, and passports and advises that travelers keep their hotel windows and doors locked at all times. Criminals often target transportation systems and popular tourist attractions.
Travelers should exercise caution when walking after dark or visiting out-of-the-way places on the island, as they can be vulnerable to theft and sexual assault, and because narrow and dark roadways can contribute to accidents. There have been incidents of sexual assault and acquaintance rape, and the use of "date rape" drugs such as Rohypnol has been reported in the media and confirmed by local authorities; one local advocacy group reports an increase in reporting the use of these drugs and accompanying sexual assault.
Travelers should also note an increase in gang presence in Bermuda and should take regular precautions to avoid confrontation. The back streets of Hamilton are often the setting for nighttime assaults, particularly after the bars close.
INFORMATION FOR VICTIMS OF CRIME:
INFORMATION FOR VICTIMS OF CRIME:
The loss or theft abroad of a U.S. passport should be reported immediately to the local police and the nearest U.S. Embassy or Consulate. If you are the victim of a crime while overseas, in addition to reporting to local police, please contact the nearest U.S. Embassy or Consulate for assistance. The Embassy/Consulate staff can, for example, assist you to find appropriate medical care, contact family members or friends and explain how funds could be transferred.
Although the investigation and prosecution of the crime is solely the responsibility of local authorities, consular officers can help you to understand the local criminal justice process and to find an attorney if needed. Posts in countries that have victims of crime assistance programs should include that information. See our information on Victims of Crime.
November 22, 2012
THE "INVISIBLE" SEX CRIMES
When I was 19, I came home from college for the weekend to my hometown of Racine, Wisconsin. It was midnight and I was driving on a busy main road. However, that night the busy street was desolate. Except for the car following closely behind me. The driver came around to my passenger side keeping a steady pace alongside me. I did not want to look over. I was scared. It was a man laughing and flashing his genitals at me. He pressed his buttocks on the window and molested himself with his hand.
My little Ford Escort went from 30 mph to 60 mph. I was suddenly in the Indy 500, swerving, mastering the sharp turns, up and down every side street and main road. No matter how fast I drove, he kept up, trying to follow me home.
After approximately 15 minutes of the cat and mouse game, I finally lost him. I was free and almost home. My vision was clouded with the images of the perverse things he did to himself. I replayed the entire incident in my head all night. I didn’t call 911. I just wanted to go to sleep and go back to school.
The next weekend was Easter. For the second time that month, I was in Racine again, shuttling between my parents for the holiday.
It was midnight. I was on the same road. It was desolate. Everything I experienced the weekend before was there again. I sensed it a mile away. I was prepared for him this time.
I saw headlights in my mirror and a red truck riding my ass. It was him again. His change of vehicle didn’t fool me. He proceeded to perform his act, identical to the weekend before. I wasn’t scared. I was angry. Damnit, I was pissed! I said to myself, “Dude, you have messed with the wrong girl.” I grabbed a pen and wrote down his license plate number on my leg.
I endured the same high speed wild goose chase, and managed to lose him again. As soon as I got home I called 911 and reported the incident, gave them his license number and the general direction he was headed when I last saw him.
Two hours later, the phone rang. The police called to informed that they arrested the ugly red headed psycho pervert. His name was Ronnie Lonhardt and he was 35. In order to press charges, I had to come downtown to write up a report and identify him. Are you crazy? I have to look at that maggot again? To this day, I’ve never forgotten his face, and my memory didn’t fail me that night either.
He was charged with a DUI and an additional charge for “lewd and lascivious” behavior. Turns out he confessed to police that he had been doing this to dozens women that month alone. Go figure. (Note: After a criminal records check, the red headed pervert pled down to four separate “Disorderly Conduct” charges. Two were dismissed at the request of the prosecutor, and the other two were forfeited. Thanks Racine County Prosecutors.)
For years I had issues with driving at night. I was fixated with who was behind me, and I never looked at the person to my side out of fear. I carried a knife. Was I paranoid or justified in my fears?
AN EVERYDAY OCCURRENCE
Exhibitionism. Voyeurism. Groping. Frotteurism. Many women have experienced any one of these crimes at some time in their lives. Most offenders will get away. I did not let my offender get away. In my mind, I believed I might have averted another sex crime.
These invisible offenders are grooming themselves for their next deviant act in order to heighten and satisfy their sexual pleasure. Could it be rape? Sex with a child? Child pornography? Some experts insist that these initial “minor” sex crimes lead to worse crimes. Is this a risk you’d rather ignore until it happens to you, a friend, a sister, a mother, a daughter?
What are these “invisible sex crimes”? These particular offenses are the most under-reported sex assaults. Why? Because it happens when you least expect it. Did you see his face? You can’t remember because it happened so fast and you were in shock and embarrassed. What do you say or do? By the time you figure out what is going on, they are dust in the wind. These acts against women happen everyday.
GROPING
Groping is a form of sex harassment. It can be unwanted pinching or grabbing. The groper targets the breasts, legs, buttocks and groin area. Groping is likely to happen in such places like crowded bars or parties, concerts, subways, sporting events and elevators. The predator is less likely to be detected and has the ability to flee before the victim realizes what happened.
Ever see this scenario? A waitress takes an order and walks away from the table. Her male customer swiftly slaps her buttocks in a “joking” manner saying, “Thanks sweetheart.” Have you ever experienced the unfortunate incident of a man rubbing his arm against your breast, then laughing it off saying, “Ooops! Sorry about that!”
Ladies, that was no accident.
ANGRY VOICES
"I went to a music festival in a big park last year, and people had crowded together to see the headliner. It was dark except for the streetlight and stage lights up ahead, and I was encircled by young men. One or more of them kept subtly touching me inappropriately. I tried to squirm my way out to another location, but there just was no room to squeeze through. I had to endure the harassment for the whole show.” (Anonymous post, Wiesen, 2003-2012 Conjecture Corporation, “What is Groping?”)
“Every now and then, I will feel a hand squeeze my butt or leg so gently and then hear a voice say, “Oh excuse me!” I know that it was intentional, because if it had been an accident, it would have been more of a brush or a swipe rather than a cupping.” (Id.)
“I had the misfortune of getting groped while exiting a crowded elevator and I was more mad than anything. It is such a violation of your personal space and I hate knowing there are so many perverts out there that can get away with things like that just because there are so many people around.” (Id.)
FROTTEURISM
Frotteurism is the act of rubbing the hand(s) or erect genitals against another person in a non-consensual manner in order for sexual gratification. Like groping, this act is done in public where the victim cannot easily respond to their attacker.
Studies have concluded that the average age of a “frotteur” is between 15-25, beginning at puberty and decreasing after 25. (PsychNet, 1998.) It was also noted that “older men with shy and reserved personalities or who are withdrawn socially” are common frotteurs. (Id.)
I have been a victim of many frotteurs in my day. When it happened, I became enraged. There have been times where I have grabbed the pervert, and screamed out to everyone within earshot what just happened. There was never a shortage of shit-stains who hadn’t experienced my wrath. Slapping, punching, pushing…nothing was ever out of the question for me. I wasn’t going down without a fight.
However, in each situation I was the ultimate loser. What the hell just happened? Where am I going to find this guy? I didn’t know who he was, I don’t remember what he was wearing. I was shocked, angered, and out of control. What did he look like?
I don’t know. He looked like them all. They all look alike.
VOYEURISM
These offenders are formerly known as “peeping Toms”. But times, they are a changin’. With the advent of cameras, electronics, and other digital technology, voyeurism is out in full force.
This is the only sex crime where the offender doesn’t need to have direct contact with his victim. His crimes do not occur in public. A voyeur doesn’t need to stand in front of your window with binoculars. He won’t have any witnesses to his crime because he is safely sitting behind his computer, sometimes watching multiple women at once. Voyeurism is one of the hardest sex crimes to prosecute because of the predator’s elusiveness and ability of non-detection.
BOTTOM LINE
It is absolutely necessary that we come together to stop these future violent sex offenders. See the statistics below. No matter how bleak, this is true: we are the ones that hold the power to make change. Victims need to stand up, not only for themselves, but for the others who are too afraid to come forward. As sad as the statistics below are, just remember, if it weren’t for those courageous women, there would be even more predators on the streets. They are always ready and waiting.
STATISTICS: RAPISTS ARE WALKING FREE
54% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to the police, according to a statistical average of the past 5 years. Those rapists, of course, never spend a day in prison. Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 3% of rapists ever serve a day in jail.
Out of Every 100 Rapes
46 get reported to the police
12 lead to an arrest
9 get prosecuted
5 lead to a felony conviction
3 rapists will spend even a single day in prison
References:
Justice Department, National Crime Victimization Survey: 2006-2010
FBI, Uniform Crime Reports: 2006-2010
National Center for Policy Analysis, Crime and Punishment in America, 1999
Department of Justice, Felony Defendants in Large Urban Counties: Average of 2002-2006
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