NEVER SEEN EXCERPTS OF PARIS'S STOLEN DIARY

Oooh! Juicy! We have obtained a never before seen page of Paris Hilton's diary that was recently stolen!

January 1, 2006

I can’t believe what a fab time I had last night. And of course, 'you know who was there'. I got so out of control crazy drunk that I started pole dancing and doing a strip tease for him in the club! Everyone was so shocked. But any publicity is good publicity. I ended up with him in the back alley against the wall. He spanked me and called me his little bitch. I love dirty talk.

I am so fucking hung over right now. I’m going to call my chef to bring me some crackers and Evian. I need a cigarette. Damn! I just tore my fucking fingernail just now!

Later that night…

I went to Scores with a bunch of skanks. I hang out with them because the are rich and famous and always give me drugs. I wore my new Dolce & Gabana shoes with this fabulous dress I got at Barneys. Plus, I had to get the matching purse…on sale! It was only $2,000! Thanks dad!

After the club I saw this really hot guy at party on the upper east side. His father owns this huge pharmaceutical company…definite marriage material. I got crazy wasted with Tara Reid and Lindsay “Lo” and we went upstairs with Mr. Hot and went at it all night. He wanted to video it. I thought that was super sexy, but I knew that it would come back to haunt me. Damn that Rick Solomon! Fucker owes me this month’s royalty check.

January 5, 2006

Today was the grossest day in my entire life. I was walking down the street and I stepped in some dumb ass’s dog poop! I was wearing my brand new Valentino shoes! I was bitching to our maid about it, and she said that she can clean the sole like it was brand new. Forget that shit! I just gave her the damn shoes.

Oh shit…Tinkerbell just peed on the carpet. MARIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To Do List:

-Get royalty check from Rick

-Talk to my agent about any new movie roles (been quiet lately!)

-pedicure/manicure/coloring/toe and knuckle waxing

-Pick up condoms

-Pick up script for Valtrex

January 6, 2006

I am so pissed. I ran into Nicole last night at this club in LA. I wanted to tear her fake-ass hair out. I could probably take her down now that she’s skinnier than me, that bitch! You know I’m jealous, but I’m not saying shit! She just stood there with her loser friends like Steve-O and laughed and acted like a total skank. She started dancing on the bar…MY BAR! No one dances on the bar but me, bitch! God I hate her.

All the hot men were trying to get under my dress tonight because I told them I wasn’t wearing undies. I didn’t mind, really. They were HOT!

January 15, 2006

I can’t believe it! I just saw this headline at the newsstand about how I am a no-talent slut! What?!! I am so hurt right now. I can’t believe ANYONE would say that about me. This is a mean and cruel world.

January 30, 2006

The Simple Life got cancelled. Thank GOD. I did not want to see that skank’s face again. Maybe we can do a reality show where I get to kick her ass? That would be funny! But Shannen Doughtery wouldn’t be invited because she really scares me.